If Marvel ever let me take a crack at the Fantastic Four, I would write a steamy, incestuous affair between Sue and Johnny Storm. Pretty much just to spite Mr. Fantastic, who is a boring lame-o.

Nah, actually just to spite that horrible movie adaptation (and its sequel). The comic has nothing to do with it. For any who don’t know, the Fantastic Four is Marvel’s “first family,” the first superhero team created by Jack Kirby and Stan Lee. The first issue came out in 1961, which was the year Marvel became Marvel (it was Atlas Comics in the 1950s, and Timely Publications before that, going back to 1939). I’ve got too much respect for history to destroy someone else’s legend.

Besides, the movie already did that.